My Two "Me"s

I don't think that I'm bipolar or schizophrenic, but I've been being two people lately. As some or many of you know, I've been staying with my sister while we are both taking Bible classes. Well, she is not going to be continuing her classes at the end of this trimester. Her reasons are much financial, but other considerations have been made. However, I was the key proponent of her not finishing this year, being the man of reason that I am. After talking with several people, she decided that it was the right decision, and next week will be her last here. I've succeeded, right? I said the right thing for her to do, considering the situations, was to go home early; should I not be happy to see that she has agreed? Well, that's didn't happen to be the case. I started wishing that she would stay. Suddenly, the reasons for her to stay began to have more weight in my sight. I started feeling like I did at the beginning of the school year when I found out that I wouldn't be staying with a family, but rather a more secluded apartment. It took me a little while when I realized the answer to my abnormal thinkings. I want to be home. My steps toward independence are something that I truly want, in my reasonings. Yet my emotions drive me to the comforts of being taken care of, being secure, and being loved. And sometimes "independence" makes you think that your losing those things. I've still got a long way to go yet towards living on my own, and a lot more to learn; I'm just experiencing some growing pains right now.